


Sleep Awake

by mothmanmonthly



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Nightmares, Post-Canon, jeremy has some shit that he just needs to let out, michael is a super good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 08:03:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12453087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mothmanmonthly/pseuds/mothmanmonthly
Summary: After the SQUIP is deactivated, Jeremy has trouble sleeping





	Sleep Awake

**Author's Note:**

> i suddenly got the urge to write at midnight and this is what happened. Enjoy.
> 
> Also, thanks to the amazing @chokingonholywater for betaing this for me!!

“C-C’mon Michael, please- just pick up your fucking phone.” Jeremy choked under his breath, his hands trembling as he gripped his phone, his eyes, staring directly into the glowing screen as he willed away oncoming tears.

The dial tone rang violently in Jeremy’s ears as if it was mocking him somehow, telling him that Michael wasn’t going to answer, despite the fact that Jeremy hoped he would.

But then again, why would he? Sure, Michael was always there for Jeremy, but it was three in the morning on a Wednesday. Michael was probably passed out on one of the bean bags in his room after an intense gaming session, or laying on his bed completely stoned, or —

“He doesn’t care about you,” a voice that sounded awfully like the Squip’s interjected.

Jeremy dropped his phone onto the quilt. “ _No,_ ” he mumbled. His Squip couldn’t be back, it _couldn’t_ . His Squip was deactivated weeks ago, the night of the school play. He’d drank the Mountain Dew Red. It was supposed to be _over_.

“He’s ignoring all of your calls because he knows you’re hurting, he knows you need him, and he doesn’t care,” the Squip’s voice said, its words laced with venom. “He never cared about you, Jeremy, and he never will. For the past twelve years, he only talked to you, he only hung out with you, because he pities you. You’re nothing, Jeremy. You’ve always been nothing and you’ll continue to be as insignificant as a speck of dust if you-”

“Jer?” A soft and sleep deprived voice echoed throughout the room, “Jeremy its like, three in the morning why are you calling me?”

Michael’s words echoed throughout Jeremy’s mind. “Why are you calling me?” Michael had asked. _Well, it’s because I had an extremely vivid nightmare about the Squip taking over my body and I feel so scared, and you’re the only one I can talk to right now,_ Jeremy wanted to say, but didn’t.

“Jeremy?” Michael said, his speech slightly slurred from sleep.

“ _Shit_ ,” Jeremy thought, knowing he had to speak now unless he wanted Michael to hang up, “Hey M-Michael,” He stammered with the small remaining composure he had left after his nightmare.

Michael sighed, “Jer, It’s late, quit the small talk, I know something’s up.”

“I-” Jeremy sniffled, “I had- I had another nightmare.”

For a moment, there was silence on the other line, until it was broken by a small “Oh.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I just-” Tears began to pool in the corners of Jeremy’s eyes, “I shouldn’t have called you, I know we have that big test tomorrow,” Hot, thick tears began to stream down Jeremy’s face as he sobbed into the phone.

“Jeremy.”

“I’m sorry Michael, I’m such a fucking idiot.”

“No, no,” Michael reassured, his voice, warm and welcoming, “I’m not mad at you,  I’m just-” Michael sighed, “I’m sad. Every time you tell me about one of your nightmares I just - I get so sad and angry that you have to deal with shit like this, when you deserve the whole fucking world.”

Jeremy smiled through his tears. “Thanks,” was all he was able to say.

“Anyway, so uh…” Michael paused for a moment. “Do you wanna like, tell me what happened, or is this one of those things you just can’t talk about?”

Jeremy leaned against the backboard of his bed. “I don’t know,” he choked.

“Hey that’s okay,” Michael said. “We can talk about something else if you —”

“It was the Squip,” Jeremy blurted out.

“No...”

Slowly, Jeremy took a deep breath, “It was the night of the halloween party, I - I don’t think I told you this but, Chloe… she - she was drunk, god she was so drunk, and - and she tried to have sex with me and I really didn’t want to and I tried leaving but the Squip took control of my body and _\- and wouldn’t let me move_.”

“What!?” Michael practically screamed on the other line, “Jeremy - fuck, Jeremy I’m so sorry.”

Jeremy wanted to tell Michael that he was okay, that the past was the past and he could move on, that he doesn’t look into the mirror and for a split second see where Chloe’s nails scratched his shoulders and back, that he doesn’t have scars running down his arms and legs from when the Squip shocked him for not obeying his every command, that he doesn’t think he might lose Michael - _again_.

Instead, Jeremy begins crying.

“Hey, hey… Jeremy,” Michael murmurs, “it’s okay, you’re okay, you can cry it all out if you want to.”

Jeremy doesn’t hesitate to take Michael's advice, and soon, his cries turn into chest heaving sobs. The phone falls from Jeremy’s hand as he grabs his bare knees from under the sheets and brings them up towards his chest in an attempt to muffle his wails.

“That’s it Jer, just cry it out,” Michael reassured him. “Everything will be okay, I’m here.”

After nearly ten minutes, Jeremy’s tears begin to subside; his breaths no longer hitched and his hands had finally stopped trembling. It was strange, not having the acidic dread in his stomach that he had when he was bottling up all his trauma for three months, but to have the weight of all those problems off his shoulders, even temporarily, was the greatest feeling in the world.

“Are you feeling better, Jere Bear?” Michael asked.

Jeremy laughed as he picked his phone up off the sheets, “I told you not to call me that, you goof.”

“Well,” Michael said, his voice laced with obvious sarcasm “You still need to answer my question.”

A small smile bloomed across Jeremy’s face, “Yeah. I think I’m okay.

“Well that means my work here is done!” Michael declared, “I’ll see you at school tomorrow, okay?”

“Aright.”

“Night, Jeremy,” Michael said with a yawn.

Jeremy grabbed his covers and settled back down on his pillows, laying flat on his back with the quilt pulled up to his chin. “Goodnight, Michael.”  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Btw just in case you're confused, I headcanon that sometimes when Jeremy has intrusive thoughts, they're in the Squip's voice so idk if that clears anything up but whatever I guess
> 
> I thrive off of feedback so if you like my writing don't be afraid to leave a comment?? like getting comments on shit makes my entire goddamn week.


End file.
